I was terrified of having sons because I did not believe a man attracted to men could raise a son properly. I also worried about the crushing burden of male conformity.

To my surprise both turned into fine accomplished men of whom I am proud. Their marriages are strong, egalitarian, and their wives are delighted to have found them. They are now parents, and very loving ones. They are also far better parents than I had, and likely better parents than they had.

My belief is that my gayness turned out to be something that made them better men, not just for their families, but their friends and co workers as well. Most gay men neither teach nor model toxicity. It turns out my sons are very much like me, just not gay.

Somehow it all worked out. Maybe being a loving, supportive dad is all that's required, and really all we can do. And maybe more gay men should be fathers of sons.